Living My Dream Even on Sad Days

I’m already a creature of comfort.  I have my favorite cafe which has healthy food, strong coffee, tasty teas, and a killer chocolate chip and sea salt cookie.  It is always busy.  The crowd consists of students, professionals, celebrities, young parents, artsy types and loud New Yorkers like the raconteur sitting next to me now.  I love the colorful personalities.  I am still trying to understand why I feel so calm sitting here writing, enjoying my surroundings in my own space.  I went to the library earlier.  I left only because it did not have a public restroom.  As soon as I realized this I had to find a place with a restroom.  I walked around The Village and I was drawn back to my favorite coffee shop.  O Cafe.  There is so much noise around me, so much action.  But, I sit here calm and so at home in my own little world.  I am living the life I always dreamed of, living in New York City and writing.  This is my dream.  I woke up this morning with fear that it would end.  I have been sad today.  I am not really sure why, but I know what to do.  I lean into it.  I write about it.  I am sad because of memories.  I am sad because of fear of the future.  But, what about today?  Why am I wasting time on being sad when I am living my dream?  I’ve realized that I am driven by emotions in my writing.  Pain or humor.  They drive me.  I decided to sit here, just take it in and sit with my emotions.  Then, a gentleman about my age struck up a conversation with me.  He has lived in the city since 1990 when he was 31.  He began to tell me about his dream to move.  He wants to move up near The Cloisters or to The Hudson Valley.  He said his friends tell him he will be bored, but it is still his dream.  I told him I understood.  Many people have expressed to me their thoughts about my dream of moving to New York.  It is too expensive.  It is too crowded.  It is not safe.  But, It is my dream and I am here.  I am living my dream today.  I am still feeling a bit strange, but I am reminded we all have dreams and we can live them.  

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