“I Know You’re in There, You’re Just Out of Sight”

I did it today.  I found my private zone in the city.  I walked The High Line on this beautiful Sunday.  I watched people.  I watched the boats slide across the water, and I was alone.  I was also lonely, but I needed to feel this emotion.  I needed to be with myself in a state of authentic feelings.  I found an empty wooden chaise, sat back and found my place.  A girl was sitting next to me with her earphones, and she was in her world, and I knew that I could be in mine.  At first, I watched the people as they walked past me and then, I let them go.  I let them be in the background.  I selected a song I have been listening to for the last couple of days, “Time Passages” by Al Stewart.  I had my earphones in, my sunglasses on and I cried quietly, but I cried.  I do not like for anyone to see me cry, but I could do it here because I had created my private space and no one noticed.  At one point the girl got up and a lady a few years older than I am sat down.  I think she witnessed my chest heaving up and down, but she let me have my space.  That’s why I love this city.  I know if I had needed help, anyone would have helped me, but I needed this.  My space.  When the woman got up she looked my way and warmly smiled at me.  I didn’t smile back, but I am sure she could see that I was grateful that she had allowed me to be alone.  I was crying for those time passages.  “The years run too short and the days too fast. The things you lean on are the things that don’t last.”  As I was lying back crying, I prayed and I meditated. Earlier in the day, a Buddhist monk approached me; he gave me a bracelet and said to me, “I love you” and “Namaste.”  He prayed for peace for me.  He may be part of a scam I’ve heard is going on, but I don’t care.   I did not give him money.  I feel like God spoke through him and it was what I needed today.  Afterward, I went to a 12 Step meeting, and it was on Step 3: “Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him.”  This was a reminder that I must do this step daily.  Let go and let God. Today, I was alone, and felt my God’s presence, and it’s the one thing I can lean on that will last during these time passages.

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